Time: Starting Up Again

I have not given much thought to getting back to blogging so now that I am here doing it I am more reluctant than ever to start, even if the reason for reluctance is a new one. That reason is that I'm not convinced that blogging is even something I should be doing. Perhaps the fact that I am doing it is convincing enough.

I know that to continue linking a stalled blog to my web presence is detrimental, so it was either use it or lose it--you see my choice.

I am on the brink of launching a no holds barred approach to acquiring an agent in pursuit of publishing Special through traditional means. By entitling this particular blog post "Time" I am signifying that the time is right for me to get into this endeavor with all my being. That has become obvious to me with the fact that there are more venues for social and promotional web presence now than there were at the end of 2011 when I first attempted to utilize a web presence as a helpful means to procure an agent. It seems everything I do in the name of freelance writing asks for links to websites, blogs, or other pages, and mine, regrettably enough, are stalled, parked, inactive--whatever sugar-coated terms can be invented by promoteurs (my invention) who know better than to completely alienate possible paying customers with the truth. They're dead; no longer alive and growing. 

My attempts at contacting Homestead through their customer service link to see what it will take to get my website back up haven't produced any results, and when they do I may not be able to immediately dodge whatever financial bullets they shoot at me. In the mean time I have started work on another site, but because it involves a more in-depth knowledge of actual website design than did creating my original site it will take more time as I learn the process.

Then there's this blog, which is linked to my page on About.Me. I have always liked the concept of the About.Me site. I feel my About.Me page is more important, that it will help me most with the agent issue than help I can expect from other social medias--which I feel are attuned to promoting rather than supporting. Without a current, viable website to link to on About.Me, my page, there, is linked to some social sites like Facebook and Twitter and a blog that I haven't posted in since the first month in the year 2013--that post itself being about recommitment--soon to be 2 years ago.

With all this said--or written--I have now given you something new to read, something in the way of both an explanation for past derelictions and present intentions. In the past I have written about commitment, time, sharing, attitude, peace and other emotional and spiritual matters. Perhaps I should ask for your help. If you enjoy reading my blog, are interested in learning more about me and my insights, or haven't quite made up your mind, won't you please join me later in the week to see what new things I am writing about? 

Getting Going

I'm not sure what's been wrong with me lately. What I really mean to say is that I know very well a lot of the things that have been keeping me from blogging - not just blogging but writing in general. Pryor to my present  paralyzed state the work on projects I have been able to do has been half-assed and minimal, but what has me completely stumped now is why I can't bring myself to start anything, even if it is poor quality and minimal, because I know, in my head and heart, my soul, that is the only way I will come out on the other side of this cynical, depressive and spiteful state.

I have been sick since before the New Year but I have been on the computer, I am able to read, and I have new thoughts, and while I feel too bad to get up and write sometimes, there is an equal amount of times when I do feel better, but I just - won't - write.

In the twelve years since receiving On Writing as a Christmas gift from a close friend, I have many times went back and read parts of it, always making notes and doing whatever it takes to emphasize certain points. One of the things I have been doing to remedy some of what has been going on with me is getting back to reading for enjoyment, because I felt I was drowning in my own crap; the only reading I had been doing had agendas stapled to it. So this weekend I decided to read On Writing, the whole thing again, not to find any kind of answer to my problem because the answer is to just do it, but because I enjoyed the book; it's more a conversation than a book.

I would be doing both of us a terrible disservice if, after again reliving Stephen King's struggle to get back to writing and finish that very book following the tragedy that almost killed him, I did not at least attempt to put some words down. I started to say that my current state doesn't come anywhere near close to what his was, but perhaps that's not true either, because it pains me something awful to be in such a miserable state of non-activity; all I want to do is close my eyes and float away into the dark sky and disappear among the stars.

When discussing his first writing session during his recovery King notes that nothing spectacular occurred unless it was the "ordinary miracle that comes with any attempt to create something." I am not going to steal a bunch of his words to make this post memorable, just a few, the ones that might be working right now; ". . . writing is about getting up, getting well, and getting over."

After I post this and get off the internet I plan to go to my documents and continue with one of my many ongoing projects. I need to eat something first (true, not a delay), and I want to remember those ten words with every bite.

Everything in Its Time

My reluctance is perhaps returning - a bit anyway. I have been quite busy - busier than usual for me - posting comments on other writer's blogs. It has left me with a good feeling. Perhaps I am just sad that my blog has no followers. There are reasons why I am not striving for those readers yet.

As I have stated before, mostly I am doing this for me, if not entirely. And I certainly don't want to promote my blog when there are so many things which are not up to par, either for the way I wish, or for the way I think others would like.

One such thing is the link to my website. During my worst financial time, I let my site go down. I just recently paid to get it back up and found my domain to be in "redemption status." I am not sure that I understand what that means, but the end result is that the links fail and viewers can't see my website. I will find out more on this and take measures to remedy the problem. I hope I will be able to maintain the use of the original URL.

With all this in mind, I managed to get over what reluctance I had, and write this post. If you are reading this and are new, I think you can relate. If you are a seasoned blogger, I am quite certain you can. Am I on the money with this or not?  

Creating Life

Well, it's December isn't it? I didn't do so well in November. I tried last week to get another post in, but it just didn't happen. I fear this one won't amount to much, but I need to do it.

That's what life is about most of the time, doing things because I need to do them. Sometimes I find myself doing what I need to because I want to, and my goal is to get there and stay there, but truth is, most of the time I have to look at the long-term effect of not doing what I need to do, and that makes me want to.

It's not nearly as complicated, or deep as it sounds.

I try to stick with my main blog theme as stated in the title - reluctance, and as I have grown to see, and have been sharing with you, I am not as reluctant as I once was, not even sure if I am at all. I simply don't have a lot to say, at least much that would interest you. And everything I write now-a-days needs (that word again) to be interesting to you. I am going somewhere in my writing career, and the only way I can do that is by having readers.

I know I don't have followers yet, and that's why it's so important that my "stuff" grab you folks and keep you coming back. Everything will fall into place in its time, and when that time is near, I don't want to have to look back, trying to figure out where the missing pieces are, only to find out that I had never created them, due to reluctance or any other reason.

One more thing; that part about me, creating the pieces; it's true. Wouldn't you agree?

Bigger Fish

I didn't post anything yet this week; not terribly concerned about that. Maintaining an on-line presence isn't nearly as important to me at this time as is daily writing. I am very fond of old sayings and I am currently utilizing the one about "having bigger fish to fry." I don't set out to balance and prioritize things in my life but the sayings and slogans do it for me when I let them.

I just try to do the best I can with everything and when I hit a wall, I back off, and look around; without fail an old slogan, saying,  or sometimes words from a story, poem, movie or song come in to let me see that I can either turn back, go around or go over, and maybe - rarely, any more, but still - knock it down or bust through.

One More Thing

Now that I am over the reluctant part, as well as the "starving artist" anti-creative living conditions part, I am still having some difficulty keeping to my one week minimum blog posting commitment.

Now, it's because I am quite busy, and busy with a lot of writing. I missed a couple of end-of-month deadlines, but it's quite all right because I am rolling right ahead with the projects, using them for mid-month deadlines (at least the ones that weren't themed). Writing is never wasted.

So, as if I didn't have enough to do, I decided to enter the NaNoWriMo event (I think event is a better fit than contest). I am way below the daily scheduled word count but not concerned in the least. I am using the opportunity to write a sequel to "Special" called "Special Times." I like the way it's progressing.

For anyone uninformed November is National Novel Writing Month and in this contest / event you write a novel of 50,000 and over words. As I stated above I think it's a great way for me to get a real good start on my sequel, so it was worth the added strain.

No longer reluctant but struggling to "get 'er done."

"Non-existent" Time

I am, honest-to-God, no longer reluctant with this blogging stuff, but where does the time go? I took a late night walk in the park overlooking Lake Superior. It was quite brisk, but really refreshing. The full moon was peaking from behind some horrendous black clouds while the waves crashed into the rocky shore. There was an ore-boat out on the lake, and its lights and size, along with the sights and sounds described above gave me a wonderful sense of relief and power as I meditated, and reflected on my day.

It was as I walked back to my pick-up that I remembered I hadn't posted all week (at least I didn't think I had) and I began contemplating a topic. Even though I planned on coming back to the apartment to work on a project with a fast-approaching deadline, I began looking forward to doing my blog.

In answer to the question in my first line, time does not exist, remember? I believe I talked about that in one of my earlier posts. But it's easy to let the illusion of time back into my life, especially since we use it to to hold ourselves accountable to our commitments.

I remain peaceful as long as I come back to the truth, of timeless being.