Here, Now

I just finished rereading the introduction on my blogpage. The last line had me wondering. Maybe not exactly wondering, but contemeplating. I may be a reluctant blogger, but I am an avid contemplator. This is one of the reasons why I still agree with the statement, even though I have quite a time coming up with blogs which I feel are worth someone else's time to read.

I never seem to get far away from commitment and persistence, and in writing this I have come to realize how closely the reluctance and commitment are related, and how important both are as well.

This seems to be the case in all things for me, not just my writing. My reluctance to do certain things leads me to a desire for something that I am unaware of until its lack sends me into a deep desire. In other words the reluctance is an essential need which will ultimately provide the passion with which I do certain things. When I reach a certain point, still clinging to the reluctance, the cerebral part of the commitment forces me to put one foot in front of the other and after a step or two the passion takes over. 

I missed keeping my once a week commitment by two days, but I did have most of this blog saved in draft, consequently keeping my other commitment to quality, as I found some grammatical and spelling errors and added some pertinent material.

Keeping in mind the name I chose for my blog, along with some of my usual themes which in some way, shape, or form always include commitment, I decided to write about  my "reluctance," after looking out the window pondering on it. 

I think my original resistance to blogging is a simple parallel to my introverted qualities and lingering initial antisocial attitude. Having broken those barriers the continuing resistance is due more to outside circumstances like time, working conditions, internet availability and such. Granted, blogging is still the least inspirational thing I do, but with persistence - you knew it was coming - I am confident the passion will be there when its time has come.

Two Sides of Every Coin

I don't know that I have enough time at present to put the "umph" I feel I should put into this subject. Commitment is everything for me, so I was once again dismayed to find another week gone by, without an extra post. With that in mind I set out to write. A topic which seems to keep popping up is the irony involved with practically everything in my life. The most important revelation regarding this is my positive attitude regarding many negative things of my current life circumstances.

It looks as if I will have a steadier home base and internet source by Wednesday, so hopefully I will be able to be a tad more consistent with my on-line postings.

When I am able to view the difficulties and obstacles of my life circumstances as more fodder for my writing, the ideas and emotion as well as the experiences themselves, my attitude is light and I am able to write freely. It's just that sometimes I become aggravated when these temporary trials keep me from what I see as being able to move on, missing opportunities to further my career.

As of late, I have realized the extreme degree to which I can remain patient; it's this same degree of patience that "flips," and bites back, causing my aggravation when I miss some type of deadline. The simple knowledge of this keeps that lightness close at hand, keeps my attitude positive if I am willing to allow it to do so. 

In trying to lead into a good closing, I am aware of having much more to say. I need to maintain the commitment so I don't have the option to save now, add more tomorrow and then post. It might work, but experience shows me I would probably find myself wondering sometime next week (or later) what happened to my commitment? Sacrifices are necessary; on the flipside of sacrifice is progress.

More on Commitment, and Self

If you are reading this, and you find it worthy of your time, that's a bonus for me. My single reason for this post, today, is to be able to say I kept a commitment -  no matter how minimal, no matter how entertaining. I only want to adhere to a standard of mine, another commitment - to write it as accurately and with as much skill as possible.

It will be short - too short for my original purpose, but that doesn't matter. The gist of my blog commitment is for me to make sure I DO it, at least once a week, with a "quality over quantity" attitude.

Thanks. I hope it was as good for you as it was for me. 

Treading

Even though I backed off from trying to post so much, I still find it hard to make the time for my minimum weekly post. I've alsways told other people, "Making commitments isn't hard, keeping them is." So that's why I am here, to show you that I am. In starting, I found myself needing a title. I had just finished reading another blog and its related comments, the themes of which were focus, consistency, pacing and continuing-on. For me these attributes are intertwined and when I am content with how things are going that intertinement provides for me a satisfied, working well-being. Other times it seems as if everything is all tangled up and I wind up feeling like I am fighting myself. Now is one of those good periods, so "continuing" was the first idea for a title, but something else came back to me. About three years ago, I had been reading about Carl Jung's experience with the I-Ching. The seriousness that was emphasized in my readings appealed to me as I had several important issues going on, deep internal stuff, so when the text informed me about the imortance of the question to be asked, I took it seriously. I don't want to write an information piece, explaining the whole process, but I will say that the I-Ching is an ancient text, and is sometimes used for guidance in making decisions or as a source of insight, inspiration and wisdom. My interest concerned its involvement with synchornisty, specifiacally the use of reeds or coins, in a series of exercises which rely on chance. My question to the "process" had some reference to why I wasn't writing when I knew it was so important to me. I  recorded my findings and experiences over an extended period of time in a notebook somewhere (as if I needed more time consuming projects, I am certain I will embark on an exploratory mission to dig this up). The point to all this is that the vague answer that was revealed was a symbol with a rough translation meaning "treading." At the time this applied to other spects in my life, as well as my writing. It still does, and always will. Its substance for me is just putting that proverbial one foot in front of the other. The simple pleasures experienced while doing the one foot-deal expose themselves in unexpected ways, like now, having the memory of my I-Ching experience to take out and play with, and share with you. Thank you for taking the time to read it.

Pace and Commitment

Even though my blog has been sitting here, practicing for the archives, I have continued following other authors on their blogs, trying to make positive but truthful comments. A lightbulb came on for me the other day as I was reading a very good blogpost, the gist of which is that I can still find the time to create good quality, positive blogs with useful information that I have to share or that I have found from other writers, and remain consistent in my efforts simply by starting out with a publishing commitment which fits my current lifestyle. I may only make one blog-post per week for a while, but doing so will let me remain loyal to all my commitments in a manner that is acceptable to me.

This is something that I already knew, but had let outside pressures sway me from what I knew works for me. The rule of thumb for me has been: Start with quality and consistency, and you'll pick up speed. Start with speed and poor quality, and the quality rarely improves. I could have put it more eloquently, but it says what I want, just the way it is. It's just another thread unravelling from the adage, "Slow and steady wins the race."

So Much

The hood release cable on my '86 S-10 broke this morning, so I hooked a piece of stiff wire from a fly swatter handle behind the spring release, then routed it through the channel where the cable runs, and out in front of the grill. It's rigid enough to act as a handle; it works slick. I have a friend that laughs when I do stuff like this. His insistence that everything has to operate exactly the way it was designed irritates me. I could take this quick-fix for my hood-latch a step further (I probably will), drill some holes and with minimal time and effort make a hood release lever much like those on the vehicles I grew up with. There is nothing wrong with having to get out of your vehicle to open your hood; we did it for years.

The cable had broken when I was preparing to check the oil, in a parking lot near a local park along the shore, where I like to meditate and just enjoy the view, take in nature. Entering the park immediately following my repair-job, I was struck with the thought of how it parallelled my trying to break into the literary world. Everyone is blogging, so I must blog, eveyone is on Facebook so I must do Facebook, then Twitter, then, LinkedIn, then I have to link them all together, I have to stay connected with this person and that person, get these newsletters and study them and this, this, and this, etc.....Oh yeah, why am I doing all this? So I can be a successful writer. Really? And just where am I with that very minimal committment to write 1000 words a day on that new project? PING! I think I just heard my "have to do" cable snap.

I appreciate the suggestions and sharing that takes place in all these media resources, and am grateful they are there. One of  the best comments I've heard lately came from Barbara Ward, on LinkedIn, in which she stated, "I thnk you have to do what you feel works best for you." I certainly know that I can't tell what works best for me until I try, but for now, it's obvious to me, I can't continue trying to do all of what so many others are saying I "have to do," while experiencing limitations that happen to be unique to me.

I intend to continue posting with a bit more regularity, but I can only do what I can do.